I’m writing this letter not for myself, but for my two little sisters– 12 and 10– who probably know girls like you. Girls who push, yell, name-call, or worse, laugh and whisper. It’s a thing some of us do when we’re young. It’s something almost all of us are the victims of at one point of another, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
In elementary school, you were the girl who told me I could throw mulch at you. Well, I was six and had always wanted to throw mulch at you, so I threw mulch at you. Then you ran and told my favorite teacher, who scolded me. I cried on the playground while my velcro shoe-clad friends consoled me. Then we went back to playing cheetah and antelope.
But in middle school, that meanness morphed into something much more personal, sometimes humiliating. Then, it was my clothes that you criticized. I had my dad buy me the striped athletic pants that were so popular, but according to you, were all wrong. You made that clear when you so non-discreetly pointed out my faux-pas to your friend during choir. Instead of sticking out my tongue or rolling my eyes, I stared straight ahead, pretending I didn’t hear the mean things you said.
The summer between 7th and 8th grade, I grew. You noticed. On the first day of 8th grade, you had our whole math class convinced that certain parts of me were enhanced. Instead of the cute new shirt I bought during back-to-school clothes shopping, I wore a giant sweatshirt on the second day of school, after a long, tearful night of worry. It’s no wonder I spent most of high school wearing low-cut tank tops to prove to everyone that I was, in fact, all real.
What I didn’t realize then is that you were probably hurting, too. Whether it was neglectful or missing parents, a cruel older brother, or other circumstances I couldn’t have imagined then, something happened to you to make you mean. Nobody’s born that way. You embarrassed and hurt me from time to time, but you were the one that was truly hurting, though you hid it with the expertise of an actress. I was lucky enough to have two loving parents who were there to assure me that I was good, and nice, and pretty, and someone you were probably just jealous of. (I never quite believed that last part, though it helped me feel better.)
As upset as I sometimes was as a kid, those moments didn’t scar me for life. I remember them, but I’ve long since compartmentalized them. They molded who I am today– a sensitive, empathetic person– and I’m grateful for whatever lessons they’ve taught me.
What I ask of you– the mean girls of the world– is this: Be nice to my sisters. I can sympathize with you to a point, because I know there is a source of pain causing your harshness and callousness. But ultimately, I will defend those girls fiercely. I will be as fierce now as I was meek then, and I hope my sisters will be, too.
Nice post
I had a tough time in grade school, but I realize as an adult that those experiences shaped who I am. I’m empathetic to self-described outcasts and sensitive to bullying and exclusion.
Will your sisters read this?
From the looks of it, you’re a great big sister! This post reminds me of my experience with being bullied in middle school and high school. Kids can be really cruel.
How you feel about your sisters is how I feel about my daughter. Stand back, mean girls!
You wrote from the heart, and that is amazing! I can not tell you how much that means for us girls that got picked on! thank you
I love this. I really wanted to write to those mean girls, but couldn’t quite come up with the framework for the many years.
I hope those mean girls recognize that they are, in fact, the bullies.
I often wonder when mean will cease to be popular, when nice will become the new happenin’ thing, the new black. I’ve had my share of run-ins with mean girls and dare I say, mean ‘women’. I wish your sisters peace along the journey. Thanks for sharing, and being one of the nice ones.
Oh, mean girls. The world would be such a better place without them. I spent a lot of my childhood feeling awkward and out of place and this post brought back a lot of those memories. I hope the mean girls who might mess with your sisters heed this post!
I hate that it’s usually the mean ones that are the popular ones; the ones that the other girls want to be like. I get it but I hate that this is the case and I can’t wait for a day that this changes. Well done to you, Cassie for writing this for your sisters and we can only hope that they do not have to go through some of the same things you did.
I never had much trouble from girls being mean, it was mostly boys. Especially this ine biy who I had the misfortune of having a crush on in sixth grade. He made ny life miserable. Then in seventh grade it was my own cousins who picked on me. Middle school was not a good time for me socially. High school was better. No one bothered me. I was more of a recluse, probably because of what happened in middle school. Sadly, I didn’t have anyone like you to keep me strong and stand up for me, so I think it’s great what you’re doing for your sisters. I hope they do great things.
Amazing post. I was bullied in school too, but ignored it and never told anyone because I thought it made me look weak. This letter really does bring back old emotions and truly inspirational because of the way you reflect on being meek then but fierce now. thank you for sharing!
This gave me chills. Literally.
I was bullied all through my late elementary and middle school years. Somehow as I’ve grown older, I’ve forgotten how terrible it made me feel back then, but I still live with the low self-esteem it gave me.
This entry was amazing, and I thank your for it. Chills are still going down my spine.
“I will be as fierce now as I was meek then, and I hope my sisters will be, too”.
I love that last line. I feel like it’s been too long since I’ve read your blog. Reading this was a nice refresher!
Carley
This is why I firmly believe it should be legal to body check some little kids. Toss them right into a lake or something.
I love how you see both sides of it in this post, and I love your protectiveness of your sisters. They will be just fine with someone like you on their side.