The kind of friend I want


The kind of friend I want is…

Someone with a passion for something—anything.

Someone who understands and respects my introverted tendencies, even if they’re not an introvert themselves.

Someone I can learn something from.

Someone who considers herself a feminist.

Someone who also claims to hate people. But really actually likes people—but only the nice ones.

Someone who doesn’t make me feel guilty or superficial for wearing makeup.

Someone who loves to read, is creative, or has an appreciation for beautiful things.

Someone who, after a couple drinks, is totally down for a karaoke duet.

Someone who likes puppies. How can you not like puppies?

Someone who doesn’t thrive on constant attention or drama—and actually listens to you when you speak.

Someone who pushes me out of my comfort zone—in a good way.

Someone who doesn’t base her self-worth on her relationship status or the things she has.

Someone who has laughed at the word “poop” more than any grown woman should.

Someone whose favorite thing to do is laugh.

Someone who will accept me despite my gastrointestinal shortcomings following a pot of chili. I mean, I just don’t see that improving anytime soon.

Someone who knows she’s not perfect but loves herself anyway.

Here’s a fun exercise: Come up with a list like this for yourself. Be specific, but not so specific that you might alienate an otherwise perfectly meant-for-you person. (Not everyone you hang with has to loooove The Walking Dead. And if they do, I’m automatically off your list ’cause I’ve never even seen that show.) Then read your list. Does it more or less describe you? Or does it only describe someone you aspire to be like? It wasn’t my original intention, but I’m happy to say my list sounds a lot like me. I’d say I’m a keeper.

What do you look for in a friend? Could we be friend soulmates?

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  1. I love this! All of my closest friends are extremely different from me in certain ways, which makes for that all-important lack of boredom, but they’re all similar to me in a key way… such as a love for books, or drinking, or dancing like crazies in pajamas…

    I would add:
    someone who loves grown-up sleepovers (the platonic kind) (well, with me, she can have whatever kind of grown-up sleepovers she wants with other people)
    someone equally happy spending Saturday night going all out OR staying in
    someone who is intelligent, speaks her mind, and doesn’t take herself too seriously.

    Great post!

    • Great additions here! I, too, love a good platonic sleepover. You make a good point about having diversity in your circle. No one wants clones for friends (unless they do).

  2. Let’s be bff’s, please. I love absolutely everything on this list, and love even more that I thought of one of my close friends with just about every item.

  3. I already suspected that we could be real-life friends, and this is just further confirmation! Although, I must admit, I rarely claim to hate people. I can’t help it, mostly I think people are fascinating and hilarious, (despite what most online news source comment sections would have me believe).

    • D’aww, I’ve always felt the same. 🙂 And it’s okay, you really don’t have to hate people. Hate’s a strong word. I try to only save it for extremely mean people, or people whose stupidity causes harm to others. ‘Cause that’s just selfish.

  4. I officially decree us BFF. For real. I have years of stories to back up all my credentials, and they are drama free. I heart you extra right now!

    • I have only your email to go on, but I heart you extra, too! WHO ARE YOU?

      • Ha, I’m just a random reader – I didn’t think how that sounded like I was someone you’d know! oops! For realz, though, I meet your criteria and then some. And because of that I really love your criteria. 🙂

  5. Love love love this! Especially the karaoke part. I’ve been known to belt out Sk8r Boi at karaoke nights like it’s my job

  6. from the comments above, it looks like you’re making a lot of new bff’s with this post, and i’d like to join in. i’m totally going to make this list too, and i’ll send it to you. for now, the only thing i can think to add is that in addition to your bullet about going out/staying in on saturday, my bff has to understand that at this place in my life, literally the most exciting thing that can happen to me is realizing i don’t have any set plans for the weekend and can do whatever i want/don’t want to do. xoxoxo

    • Molly, I know what you mean. After a crazy month of hosting and travelling and parties and whatnot, this weekend is my first in ages that’s COMPLETELY free and I am so, so, so excited! Nothing better than that feeling of waking up when you want, endless coffee, slow breakfast, nowhere to go or be. Bliss. I’ll be your friend who never makes any commitment to see you thus leaving every weekend completely free, forever, ‘kay?

  7. Cassie, I will karaoke with you drunk, tipsy or even sober.

  8. Okay. I will tell you straight up that you may not learn anything from me and I don’t drink, but I will karaoke anyway. Most of the things you listed match my personality (for the most part). I would like to be your bff, since you rock!

    I should also add:

    -Doesn’t judge me if I eat a whole pizza.
    -Willing to watch cheesy movies and laugh at them with me.
    -Can handle my random calls, texts or tweets
    -Enjoys giggles and hugs
    -Someone who enjoys really good conversations or really good companionable silences.
    -Someone who’s excited about everything they do, even if it’s not exciting.

  9. I wouldn’t even need a couple of drinks to be ready for karaoke. This is a great idea I might be borrowing soon.

  10. I mean… not that we didn’t already know this, but we are friend soulmates.

  11. This is great! I think I hit most of these criteria, except maaaaaybe the karaoke one… although if drinks are involved it’s really hard to say.

    My list would be similar, but I’d expand the feminist point into someone who is generally progressive on social issues, because otherwise there’s just a fundamental incompatibility going on. Aaaand I would add that they don’t judge me for liking crappy teen dramas and cheesy pop music, and ideally would totally embrace that. Because it’s awesome.

  12. You and I would be great friends! And I really like the idea of making a list of friend qualities (not going to lie- I already made one for potential boyfriends). I have great friends but would love to make some new ones, too!

  13. The kind of friend I want is someone intelligent, open minded, with a great sense of humor (+ ability to laugh at themselves), someone genuine who is willing to put effort into maintaining our relationship and who understands my pop culture references. Someone that inspires me to be better. Everything else is just bonus really.

  14. We could very much be friend soul mates! If only we lived closer to each other! 😀 Your list pretty much described what I look for in a friend as well, but I’d also have to add that the potential friend be open about their feelings. I know feelings can suck, but I have a blog friend (you probably know her – Stephany Writes) that I exchange and who also exchanges back more personal details about our lives than I do with a girl I’ve been friends with since middle school and who I see and talk to on a daily basis. She’s a great person, but I feel really disconnected from her at times. But, I understand, sometimes people just don’t like to talk about their feelings, but when you meet someone who does (or at least has chronic word vomit and can’t stop themselves, like myself), it makes me feel so much better about our friendship.

  15. Nice list! I don’t fit though, don’t consider myself a feminist (actually just commented on that topic on another blog- basically I prefer to call myself a “people-ist”), & I don’t like karaoke. Darn, so close! It would probably be a great idea for me to do this list since it’s actually super hard for me to have friends. Can we still be bloggy buddies? Pretty please?

  16. In response to everyone else I didn’t personally respond to… we can all be BFFs here. C’mon in. There’s plenty of room. (And thank you.)

  17. best list ever!

  18. LOVE this. could not agree more.

  19. Let’s be friends! (I think you’re awesome, and I haven’t even met you!)

    Do you like kittens as well as puppies?

    • Let’s! The feeling is mutual. 🙂

      And hellz to the yes. Kittens are awesome! I mean, I gotta be honest – I’m allergic as crap to cats. It’s terrible, because I’d love to smush my face in theirs. But I still love them very dearly. xo

  20. Great list! Very nearly all of those items are on my list (I’m indifferent about the poop thing). And those first two are spot-on the most important for me, too.

    Visiting from Yes & Yes, glad to have found my way here. 🙂

  21. That sounds like a pretty good friend! I feel like that sort of sounds like me! 😉

    I’ve never written a list quite like this one… but I think when I look for a friend, I look for someone who I can trust, who I can laugh with, who likes to talk about frivilous things like reality TV but also deeper things like spirituality and life… someone who values authenticity and someone who is creative, and maybe lowkey or doesn’t mind if I would rather be low-key than out adventuring (though I don’t mind doing it from time to time).

    Your list reads like poetry, though. I like it!

  22. “Someone who also claims to hate people. But really actually likes people—but only the nice ones.” HERE I AM. YOU FOUND ME. That is the exact description of me.

    This might be the most brilliant post and I think I shall write my own list. But it will be really hard to not copy and paste yours, because once again, brilliant.

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