WTH?!? Wednesdays – When viruses attack

Happy WTH Wednesday, y’all. It’s been a long week since the karaoke vlogring. The night I decided to share my superior singing and “dancing” skills with the world, a virus decided to find my piece of crap computer. Hilarity ensured. I mean insanity.

First, it started with the pop-up ads. WTH. I knew something was wrong, ’cause I haven’t seen pop-up ads since the early 2000s. Then some invisible man with elevator music started telling me about Angelina Jolie’s recent shenanigans with Zion or Shiloh or Orange or whatever her kid’s name is. I was starting to get worried, but it wasn’t till this happened that I knew I was in deep doo-doo:

That’s right. My non-existant wife and children would find out about every mouse click I made unless I did vague things like submit to spyware’s credit card information requirements. Otherwise, every word I typed would be recorded. Well, crap. I guess I can forget about all potential job offers, because this virus will now determine the outcome of my life. At least, that’s how it made things seem.

My feelings of hysteria only intensified when I made a phone call to the Geek Squad, who wanted to charge me at least $350 to recover my hard drive and protect my computer. WTH. Eff. That. Sheeit. It’s the HOLIDAY SEASON for God’s/Jesus’/Buddha’s/Beiber’s sake. Have some sympathy, guys. I gots presents to buy. The worst part was that the three-year warranty I bought at Best Buy that would protect the computer from EVERYTHING–including frat party beer spills, my god– expired last month. As in, the month before this one right hurr. I’ve done a lot for good karma recently, but apparently, it still hates me. So, I didn’t know what to do. I still had two final papers due before I could graduate from the school thing forever. At least until I feel I have no other choice but to enroll in graduate school– a whole other feat in and of itself. But finally, I found a computer genius who could fix my computer for 200% less than the other guys.

Long story short, everything’s cool, yo. My computer’s good for now– at least until I decide that no PC is worth it and I’d rather spend $2,000 on a Mac than increments of a couple hundred dollars every year to recover plain ole PC documents. I know it’ll be worth it in the end to own a Mac, but shoot– there’s too much to save up for: new computers, trips to Europe, adult diapers. I’m already looking forward to the time when I’ll be able to revel in my adult diaperhood. Yum?

So even though it’s now technically Thursday (shut UP!), I say WTH to another week’s worth of technological-related WTH?!? Wednesdays. But I also say one hell of a congrats to me– I am officially a college graduate, having accomplished such a feat in 3 1/2 years. I am gloating, right here right now. Now I plan on drinking generous amounts of things and casually browsing Craigslist for freelance opportunites. This is adulthood.

WTH?!?

WTH?!? Wednesday

There are plenty of things in our daily lives that make us question our sanity, the intelligence of society, the infrastructure of the government and the well-being of unicorns. It’s why I’ve decided to start a weekly column appropriately titled WTH?!? Wednesdays. I adapted the idea from Rach at How Fickle is Woman, whose version is called WTF Wednesdays. Sometimes, saying “WTF” is indeed more satisfying than “WTH,” but I figured I’d make it my own, nevermind the fact that, in addition to being the convenient acronym for “what the hell,” it also matches up quite nicely with my blog name. WTH > what the hell?!? > Witty Title Here. Bam.

So, let’s get to it. I’d like to dedicate my first WTH?!? Wednesday to spam comments. WTH?!?

Surprisingly, I get a lot of spam comments. It’s unfortunate that I don’t get as many real comments as I do spam comments, because I’d appear to be really popular and successful. I could add lack of comments to the list, but I won’t today. As for spam comments, they range anywhere from seemingly thoughtful words to utter nonsense. Examples:

From Physical Therapist:

  I was very delighted to find this web page.I wished to say thank you to you with regard to this excellent examine!!! I certainly enjoyed each tiny little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to examine out new items you post.

Thanks, physical therapist. I was very delighted to hear from you. Maybe I could come to you for examine advice.

From appotthagg:

I’ve in any case deliberating it would be good to have those not ring true sport shoes for when I do out of doors sports such as canoeing and dragon boating. These uncommon sports shoes pander to to water outside sports in fussy because of the facetious adam’s ale thick material it is made of. When I go canoeing, I in use accustomed to to either communicate with with my undecorated feet or slippers, but was forever having problems with both. Being unclad footed meant that I influence get gloomy close to any debris that may summarize when I walk on the sand or in the water while getting in or gone from of my canoe. When I damage slippers, again it as a matter of fact gets in the technique when my feet expire in the slime during common tide. It was when my slipper got stuck when I knew I had to organize an outside sports relaxation shoes. I pronounced to deliberate on of it as a stupendous investment as it would agency better and cleaner feet. I don’t know why I didn’t assume of getting such show off shoes in the first place. I conjecture it was because my impression of show off shoes was unceasingly for meet, and not in requital for other outdoor sports.

 …You get the point. The comment continues on for another two paragraphs of equal length, but I’m pretty sure he/she is talking about these, which are awesome:

From guy:

I am glad you said that???

-Warm regards,
Guy

I’m glad you said that you’re glad I said it. Wait, what?

And finally, from adult search engines:

zsd, nharz fy ejxighbv f gloch.
rrtx kmswicdy c wi x!
obr world sex
, rqcl ic ux i eqrt r.
tcqrsh xtpaso klgx i bccm. kzc, xxx toons
, xgrd s zesumrbp b lesvyr rh nasp rzg.

azg ez bjf.

…Someone had to say it.

These spam comments might be the reason for my blog’s seemingly high traffic. I relocated to this domain just this past August, and already I have close to 90,000 hits. Huh? That’s really great if those are real people stopping by, but I suspect that I’ve been entered into a spam system in which robots communicate with one another and tell them to check out wittytitlehere.com in exchange for robot fornication. To which I say, “WTH?!?”