[Witty Title Here]

Taking art to heart: words of wisdom from a rock goddess

April 19, 2013 by Cassie

via NPR.org

A few months ago, John and I went to see Patti Smith perform live downtown. I was a new fan having just read her National Book Award winning memoir Just Kids, and John, though not incredibly familiar with her music, was curious about my new girl crush. That night, we both left the venue energized, inspired, and starstruck. That Patti Smith? She is a badass, and one hell of a performer. And if you’ve read her book, you undoubtedly know she is full of wisdom.

So when I saw this video the other day of even more inspiring words from Patti, I took them to heart:

Patti Smith: Advice to the young from Louisiana Channel on Vimeo.

“A writer or any artist can’t expect to be embraced by the people… you just keep doing your work because you have to, because it’s your calling. But it’s beautiful to be embraced… Some people have said to me, well, don’t you think that kind of success spoils one as an artist… and I say, you know, fuck you! One does their work for the people, and the more people you can touch, the more wonderful it is. You don’t do your work and say, “I want only the cool people to read it.’“

And you know? That was really refreshing to hear.

Of course I’m writing primarily for myself—that’s numero uno. Of course not everyone will like it—that’s a given. Of course most people will never even read it. Is this reason enough to quit writing and feign passion for investment banking? Hell fucking no. (No offense to all you investment bankers out there, but I just shivered, and it wasn’t the good kind.)

In fact, rather than serving as cause to give up and wimper in the corner, being a relative unknown is just the opposite: I am liberated by the fact that anyone and no one at all could be reading my work at any given moment. This, for me, is the ultimate freedom.

As a blogger…

I can write a post to make you laugh.

I can write a post to make you cry.

I can write a post that attempts and fails to do either of these things.

I can write a post to make you think. (I can also write a post to make you think, WTF?)

I can write in a boat or with a goat, and the world, overall, would not notice, nor give many shits one way or the other.

But it’s worth it to know that even the tiniest fraction of a percent of the world’s population does. And because writing nothing serves no purpose for personal growth—mine or anyone else’s—I will continue to write. Never in an attempt to alienate anyone. Never in an attempt to please everyone. (Certainly not just the cool people.) If anything, I’ll be writing just to please Patti Smith, who understands that even if the majority of the world is never savvy to your creation, it’s worth every ounce of sweat and worry if it comes from a place of sincerity and touches even just one person. If you’re consistent, persistent, passionate, and genuine, chances are you’ll reach way more than just one person. Which, when you think about it, is incredible.

Filed Under: Arts & Culture, Feminism Tagged With: advice for young artists, girl crush, Just Kids, Patti Smith, writing

The “Lucky” Ones – An interview with The Innocents novelist Francesca Segal

April 16, 2013 by Cassie

A few months ago, I was lucky enough to receive a copy of my next interviewee’s book in the mail. Embarrassingly, it sat unread at the top of my book pile longer than I intended. When I finally picked it up, I was only sorry I hadn’t read it sooner. And now that I’ve had the pleasure of reading her book, I can finally introduce you to author Francesca Segal.

Photo by Nick Seaton

Growing up, London-born author Francesca Segal spent much of her time between the UK and America. First establishing herself as a journalist, she contributed to publications like Vogue, the Guardian, and Newsweek. Her debut novel, The Innocents, was released last year and received praise from the Observer, Publishers Weekly, and People magazine to name a few.

As is often the case with writers, Francesca’s love for words came at an early age. Crediting her father Erich Segal, author and screenwriter of the bestseller-turned-box-office-hit Love Story, Francesca recalls practicing mock interviews as young as age four. The bug has stayed with her since.

The Innocents is a stunning novel about commitment, betrayal, and family ties. With her exquisite prose and witty storytelling, Francesca elegantly captures the complex inner workings of a loving yet dysfunctional family. It’s a captivating story and, hopefully, the first of many for Francesca.

Welcome, Francesca!

Every published author, it seems, gets well-intentioned but maddening comments from others such as, “Oh, how fun! I wish I had time to write a book.” Does it drive you crazy? What do you say to those people?

It used to bother me far more before I was published, because I felt intimidated by all of them. But now I just understand it’s how people are. I’m married to a scientist and he gets exactly the same thing – when he talks about his work, everyone asks where he’s “studying”. No one can understand that being a scientist is a job, not an extended degree. And no one really thinks writing is either.

What these people don’t seem to realize is that this kind of undertaking is about shifting priorities and making sacrifices. What did you have to sacrifice to write your novel?

I turned down a lot of work; I turned down a lot of social engagements, and I lived like a hermit for a very long time – blissfully – but quite isolated. And of course you have to finish a first novel before you can sell it, so you’re doing a huge amount on trust. It’s hard to quantify, but it is an enormous undertaking.

Many people assume fiction writing is heavily inspired by the author’s life. Is that at all true for you?

It’s true that people assume that, but my novel is very much fiction and not remotely inspired by my own life, or my own family. The tapestry beneath the story – the community I’ve described, is one that I know very well, and that social climate is drawn from real life. But that’s it. No real people.

Does the current state of the publishing industry create pressure for you to be successful? Have you had a lot of support?

I’ve had wonderful support from my publishers everywhere, and so I have nothing to compare it to. But yes, I think now that everyone can see sales figures at a keystroke, there is less opportunity for a slow trajectory to success. Authors are expected to get further, faster.

How do you deal with negative reviews?

Lie face-down on the sofa in fit of abject misery and self-pity, rant about it to my husband, then pull my socks up and get on with it. I’ve been very lucky, in general, I think. But you can’t listen to every voice.

What was it like finally seeing your book on shelves? Did it live up to your expectations?

It was heartstopping. It’s all I’ve dreamed of for so long, it was almost impossible to process.

How much of the time spent on your novel was dedicated to revision? And are you ever truly done, or do you just have to make the decision to let things be as they are?

About half and half, I think. No, I believe the maxim that books are never finished, merely abandoned. At some point you feel you are doing more harm than good with your revisions, and then you stop.

Photo by Tom Craig

“Writer’s block” is a much debated-over topic. What’s your take on it?

I sometimes think labelling it akin to pathologising it. I would try and just call it a hard week/month at work, which we all have sometimes, and know that it will pass. “Writers’ block” sounds terminal.

Besides your own, of course, what are some of your favorite books?

I love Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie; Fugitive Pieces by Anne Michaels; I adore Jane Gardam, AS Byatt, Jennifer Egan, AM Homes, Naomi Alderman, Hilary Mantel – I could keep going, and those are just the contemporary novelists.

For you, what is the greatest reward for writing and exposing your work to others?

It’s wonderful to hear that a work has touched readers, and hearing their reactions is amazing after crafting something alone for so long. Everyone finds something different in your work, and it’s a privilege to talk about it. But being able to do the work is the greatest reward – that how this book has done means I can go away and write another book.

Do you have any advice for aspiring or struggling novelists?

It’s not very original but reading is the key to everything – you must be a passionate reader in order to write. Everything you need to know about beautiful prose, about crafting a character, about pacing a plot, can all be found in the Canon.

Thanks so much for sharing your insight, Francesca. I’m always fascinated by the writer’s process. Were you equally as fascinated with Francesca’s interview? Let her know in the comments!

Filed Under: Interviews, People, The "Lucky" Ones Tagged With: francesca segal, The "Lucky" Ones, the innocents novel, writing

Interweb Finds: In her shoes, bizarre hotels & more

April 14, 2013 by cassie

As you can tell, I’m still very much on an Instagram kick. So much inspiration to be found with all this beautiful spring weather. Speaking of which, I should really get outside and enjoy it.

So here are this week’s web finds:

I JUST LOVE THIS. SO MUCH. Men walking a mile in high heels in support of the prevention of rape, sexual assault, and violence. (Side note: THIS is how you treat women. Being a nice guy trumps cat calls 110% of the time.)

More political goodness from Upworthy: Stand up and slow clap for this NY state Senator’s speech on gay marriage. It’s a couple years old, but still obviously relevant.

This round-up of gorgeous and strange hotels around the world is giving me major wanderlust. The Giraffe Manor in East Africa?! Yes, please.

National Geographic now has a Tumblr. Enjoy.

An overweight woman photographs herself receiving strange looks in public. What’s your take on this?

Your new favorite animal can see all the colors that our brains can’t even compute. Plus, it’s a total badass.

This playful Brooklyn brownstone is a-maz-ing.

That’s all from me today. If the sun is shining where you are, get yerself outside and soak it up. (Just make sure to stock up on Zyrtec if you share my misery with allergies… they’re hitting big time.)

Why don't you stick around?

Interweb Finds: Cohabitation cautions, things to stop doing & more
Interweb Finds: loving words, a photo essay on cancer & more
Interweb Finds: Touring the world, men against misogyny & more
Interweb Finds: One plastic beach, mailbox art & more

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: a mile in her shoes, Apartment Therapy house tour, gay marriage, Interweb Finds, national geographic tumblr, NY state senator speech

Three sisters

April 11, 2013 by Cassie

Yesterday was National Siblings Day, according to Facebook and Twitter. (How else would I have known?) And this is how it goes: I come home from work tired and lethargic, preemptively admonishing myself for the workout I know I won’t do tonight, but feeling mostly upbeat due to the suddenly summery weather. The older of my two much younger sisters, Flannery, greets me as I get out of the car, and I can’t help but feel nostalgic envy watching her amble toward me barefoot in shorts and a tank top. She already has just a hint of sun, whereas this morning I debated whether or not I should wear a dress to work because damn my legs are pasty. Cherish these carefree afternoons, I want to tell this 13-year-old in front of me before reminding myself that I should do the same.

So I throw on my flip flops, and at Flannery’s suggestion, we spend the next hour taking pictures around the yard while my youngest sister, Elsbeth, does her impressive self-taught gymnastics routine on the trampoline nearby. The magnolia tree bloomed literally overnight and catches glints of the Golden Hour sun that so graciously stays later and later each day we get closer to summer.

spring

Summer. It seems to take forever to arrive in Maryland, and when it finally does, you’re taken by surprise. Despite the sometimes oppressive heat and humidity, your next worry is that summer will slip away too soon. And it will. It always does.

We compare pictures, and I notice Flannery has an eye for photography, too. I let her get my new, uninsured iPhone a little dirty and don’t yell when she holds it over a giant plastic tub filled with water to take a picture of something living inside. (I calmly ask her to stop it, please, though.) The dogs are chasing us and jumping at my legs—the fat one lets me take her photo before licking at the lens. Cherish these carefree afternoons, I repeat in my head, reminding myself that I will not always live with my sisters. They will go through middle school and enter high school without me as close as I’ve been for the past almost three years because I am 23, I’ve saved some money, and one day in the not-too-distant future I will move in with John, my boyfriend of four years. And as happy as I will be to finally live with him, I will miss my sisters, too.

trampoline

They fight. All the time, Flannery and Elsbeth. They fight over who gets the shower first. They get mad when the other has a look on their face they don’t like. They argue until they’ve forgotten what they were arguing about. And yet, they’re best friends. The relationship they have with one another is different than the relationship I have with each of them. Being the eldest by 10 and 12 years, I vacillate between being the cool, all-knowing older sister and the irrelevant, out-of-touch older sister. I play moderator when they fight. Sometimes I dictate who gets the shower first, and in these moments, Elsbeth reminds me that I am not, in fact, their mom. I remind her that I am aware, but get in the shower anyway. I have a job and benefits.

Soon, our age difference won’t seem so great and we’ll have shared more of the same life experiences. If and when I have kids, my sisters will be the fun, young aunts. If and when they have kids, I’ll be the fun, old one. My sisters will probably still fight sometimes, but they’ll always be close. We all will. I often think if I hadn’t made the decision to live at home for my last semester of college—instead of the apartment with my roommate which had a lease up for renewal—I would’ve missed out on so much of my sisters’ lives. I wouldn’t know just how good Elsbeth has gotten at gymnastics without any classes, or that Flannery kicked butt in lacrosse last weekend. Living at home didn’t just allow me to save money. It allowed me to cherish these carefree afternoons spent with my sisters. Who, hopefully, will look back one day and cherish them, too.

It’s not yet summer. Yesterday’s 90 degrees was a fluke. We’ll likely even have a few more chilly days—Maryland is unpredictable like that. But spring has sprung, and I’m acutely aware of how quickly it will lead to summer, when things will rapidly change. I can only tell my sisters that each year goes by quicker than the last, but they won’t understand that until they experience it for themselves.

Which is how it goes for all of us.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: national siblings day, relationships, sisters

Depression in relationships

April 8, 2013 by Cassie

Last week was lighter than usual on the blogging front. You know how when life gets to be overwhelming, and then you distract yourself with blogs and social media, and realize those things are (shockingly) hurting rather than helping you deal with it? That was me. So I distanced myself a bit from all that and enjoyed a weekend of hanging with the puppies, visiting D.C., and soaking up the gorgeous weather that has (hopefully?) come to stay.

Moving on, today’s guest blogger is a former “Lucky” Ones interviewee, Sarah Greesonbach, who just launched an ebook on switching careers. It’s geared toward teachers who are second-guessing their path, but it’s packed with advice that I think could be helpful for anyone feeling stuck. Her post today touches on some of the overwhelming effects of a dark period in her own life, and how that affected her relationship with her husband.

couple shadow

Have you ever felt sorry for people who are in relationships with depressed people?

I have. Especially because often that depressed person was me.

Josh and I have been married since November 2012, so I thought it was about time to interview him about what I consider the darkest period of my life: a time when I felt trapped in my career as a teacher, stressed by our long-distance relationship, and overwhelmed by health concerns. Here’s Josh’s take on being in a relationship with me during that time.

Hi Josh, I guess it goes without saying that it’s kind of awesome we can talk about this stuff. But some guys seem put off by talking about depression. Why do you think you’re okay with it?

I’ve always considered myself more in touch with my feelings than other guys. It is very helpful when it comes to writing music and being a teacher, but most guys aren’t up for it. I like to think I’m above stereotypes. How humans act and feel has always been more interesting to me than the traditional dude stuff like sports and grilling.

That’s probably why I married you. Now, about that time a few years ago when everything seemed to suck to me. Did you know that I was depressed?

Yes. You would cry a lot and you didn’t want to do things. Things being anything that wasn’t being in bed and crying. I think I thought that us doing distance was very difficult so I didn’t know what to do about it. I thought that was more to blame than the teaching, so I looked for ways that we could be together more.

What made you feel better and what made you feel hopeless about the situation?

I would say being with you was nice, knowing that eventually we would live nearer each other and not do [the] distance anymore. Nothing really made me feel hopeless. I found ways to cope myself, by playing a lot of video games and developing a schedule like going to the movies, getting wings, that sort of thing.

What did you do to try to cheer me up that worked and didn’t work?

I left cute notes and things around the house. I also tried to text and call as often as I could… even though sometimes you would refuse to talk on the phone. We should have talked about that more openly, I think, too, to save some hurt feelings on both sides. It didn’t seem to work when I tried to talk to you about feeling better or to try to make fun, distracting plans. I like to have something to look forward to, but you didn’t want to feel obligated to go out and do stuff in case you were feeling low.

How did you feel when I told you I was considering going on anti-depressants?

I was worried it would change who you were. I grew up thinking that medicine like that makes people act differently and out-of-character. Now I think I understand that it allows people to be more themselves during a rough patch (or long term).

Were you ever depressed during this time?

Yeah, definitely. I was teaching at that time too, and I resented having to show up early and try to be of service to students who were often unappreciative when I wanted to be spending time with you. I would find myself staying up really late to be intentionally out of it for the school day. That way I wouldn’t really be conscious of the day and be in a dream state ’til I got home. I really lived for the weekends.

What advice do you have for dudes (or just people) in relationships with someone who is experiencing depression?

I would say to call them a lot. Even if you don’t feel like talking, making yourself stay in touch with friends and family is really important. You and I would have Skype dates when you didn’t feel like talking, and we would spend a lot of time just being together instead of filling our weekends with things to do. Focus on the fact that the distance won’t last forever, and if it will, consider fixing that. You should also consider seeing a counselor—the person who is depressed and the person in the relationship with them can both use some perspective, tips, and just someone to talk to to make sense of it all. I think it would have helped me a lot to go to church more regularly during that time, too.

I’m so grateful that Josh and I were able to get to the place that we could speak candidly about this time in our lives. It certainly wasn’t so easy at first—there were miscommunications, misunderstandings, and just plain arguments all through it! But open dialogue and focusing on our priorities allowed us to grow and blossom together. Especially in the case of long-distance relationships, this kind of rough beginning can make the first year of marriage (and hopefully the rest) seem like a piece of cake!

Have you ever dated someone who was depressed or been the depressed one? What would you ask your spouse or partner?

Sarah Greesonbach writes and curates the lifestyle and personal finance blog Life [Comma] Etc. Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter for commentary and hot links, as well as pictures of her husband and cat (both are super-cute). She releases her first eBook this month, Life After Teaching: The Hands-On Guide for Transitioning Out of Teaching and Into a New Career.

Want to be a guest blogger for Witty Title Here? Send your pitches to me at .

Filed Under: Featured Writers, People, Uncategorized Tagged With: depression, guest post series, life after teaching, relationships, Sarah Greesonbach

Let the words bang out

April 3, 2013 by cassie

rainbow

I know that I’m not supposed to bother
you, he said.

you’ve got that right, I
answered.

but, he went on, I want to tell you
that I was up all night
reading your
latest book.
I’ve read all your books.
I work in the
post office.

oh, I said.

and I want to interview you for
our newspaper.

no, I said, no
interview.

why? he asked.

I’m tired of interviews, they have
nothing to do with
anything.

listen, he went on, I’ll make it
easy for you, I’ll come to your
house or I’ll buy you dinner at
Musso’s.

no, thank you, I said.

look, the interview isn’t really for
our paper, it’s for
me, I’m a writer and I want to get
out of the post
office.

listen, I said, just pull up a chair
and sit down at your
typewriter.

no interview? he asked.

no, I answered.

he walked
off.

they were coming out on the track
for the next race.

talking to the young man had
made me feel
bad.

they thought that writing had
something to do with
the politics of the
thing.

they were simply not
crazy enough
in the head
to sit down to a
typer
and let the words bang
out.

they didn’t want to
write

they wanted to
succeed at
writing.

I got up to make
my bet.

no use letting a little
conversation
ruin your
day.

- Charles Bukowski, “between races”

What are you writing for? Or what’s keeping you from writing? And where’s your crazy? (On a different note, do you think you’d be a writer if all we had were typewriters like, um, people not that long ago had?)

My goal this week is to focus on the next word – not where it will end up, or who will read it. ‘Cause obviously Charles Bukowski didn’t give a shit. Who am I to do otherwise?