A couple of weeks ago, I turned 22. I know– it’s shocking that someone as mature as I am could be so young. You know what’s funny? Poop. There, I brought it down a notch.
But I’m realizing that the older I get, the less impressive my accomplishments will become. Published and pursuing a career at 21? Response: “Wow, that’s really great!” Published and pursuing a career at 22? Response: “And you’re still living with your parents?”
I have got to step it up, one way or another. Remember when I participated in National Novel Writing Month (or NaNoWriMo) last year? No? It’s because I immediately dropped out. And here we are in yet another November, and I’m letting the opportunity slip by again. If I want to stand out, I need to crank out that elusive manuscript in my 20s. And I don’t expect my first go at a novel to be anything worth publishing, let alone reading aloud to my dog, so if I want it to happen, I better make it happen soon. But there’s that whole crippling laziness thing that’s, like, totally making it hard.
I’m being dramatic, of course. I’m actually pretty cool with where I am right now. I’ve churned out several articles and features this year, I’m saving my money by not living in some crappy little apartment by myself, and I don’t need NaNoWriMo to write a novel– though it would certainly help if I tried. What mainly has me preoccupied is the question of where this is all headed. I think this is that quarter-life crisis everyone keeps talking about. And I feel like it’s all I ever talk about. Actually, are you even still reading this?
I got really busy with writing stuff a couple weeks ago, and now things are starting to slow down a bit. This means I’m going to focus my attention here more. I’m going to write about things other than writing and the ubiquitous early-2os identity meltdown. Because as creepy as this time in a person’s life can be, I actually feel like I have a lot more self-insight than ever. It’s probably more important to know who you are as a person than necessarily knowing where you’re headed. I just need to work on my volleying back and forth between ambition and lethargy.
In light of all this, you can expect to hear more from me right here in addition to my other regular contributions at other sites. If you’d like to support me, you can vote for me in Baltimore Sun’s annual Mobbies awards by clicking here and logging in with your email or through Facebook. I’m nominated in the “Best Personal Blog” category toward the bottom of the page, and you can vote daily. I nominated myself, and I’m very honored.
If you find yourself in a similar existential state, or if you have your own words of wisdom, I’m willing to listen– poop jokes or no, we’re all friends here.
“Because as creepy as this time in a person’s life can be, I actually feel like I have a lot more self-insight than ever.” Nice!
You (and I, at 26), and every other 20something in a similar spot, are only getting started. The best thing about knowing this is that I’m young enough to remember to notice the “growing” process as it’s happening. It brings me an appreciation for how short this whole ride is, which makes my food taste better and my poop jokes funnier… and it makes even the smallest bits of wisdom gained a significant step forward, and a cause for celebration. One thing I have learned: Don’t be too hard on yourself for being lazy, but keep a sense of urgency about the time you have left.
I have very similar feelings. I’m 26 now and still feeling that quarter-life crisis. I know what I want to do but am having trouble getting that started. The economy isn’t making it any easier.
Re: writing that novel, don’t sweat it. You should go for it, but don’t be hard on yourself about it.
Andres – as long as it doesn’t make your poop taste better! (Sorry… so gross. It’s just what my eyes saw the first time I read that sentence.)
I appreciate both your comments. Nice to know that the weirdness I experience is actually pretty normal. The novel will come eventually, I’m determined. In the meantime, I (or perhaps we) need to try and enjoy this transitional stage while it lasts!
Just voted. Hopefully I’m not too late.
I don’t consider myself a writer, but I understand what you mean by getting older and not feeling as accomplish. I have other motives and ambitions (in the education field) that makes me feel like I should be better. I’m not there yet, but hopefully in a year I’ll be exactly where I want to be.
I guess we just have to keep working for what we want.
Keep writing! I love your posts.