Going home

going home

When I was planning my trip home to the East Coast for Christmas, I envisioned coming back seeming different somehow. More cultured maybe. Lively. Slightly tanned, better hair.

And, well, I indulged in that mindset a bit. I got a dramatic new haircut. I made a point of getting some color at the beach last week. You know, the important things in life.

But the more I thought about going home magically changed—at least on the inside—it dawned on me that maybe that was the wrong approach. True, I have changed in a lot of small yet significant ways. And I’ve learned so much in just a few short months—about myself, about the journalism field, about the City of Angels, and about what uprooting your life to start a new adventure with your boyfriend and pursue a dream looks like.

What I didn’t think about at first, though, was how everything back at home would be changing on me. Time didn’t stop the day I left Maryland. Things wouldn’t feel the way I remembered them from before. In many ways, home would be plenty different on its own without me making a conscious effort. Transforming as the result of personal growth and experience is a wonderful (and necessary) thing. Altering things about yourself to seem more interesting than you actually are? Not something I want to ever get caught up in.

What I don’t want to change? Goofing around with my sisters at a significantly decreased maturity level. That amazing spoiled feeling of being fed and pampered by your parents. Knowing no matter where else I choose to live, home base will be here for me when I need it.

It’ll be just a week of family time before I head back to L.A., and I intend to make the most of the whirlwind trip. John and I have a “Four Christmases” style visit ahead of us, so things may be a bit quiet around these parts (as they have been for the past week). But I’ll be checking in for an end-of-year post and spending the downtime I do have brainstorming what 2014 will be like for WTH. There will be changes, yes. But at its heart, still the same blog it’s always been.

In the meantime, if you’re celebrating, have a Merry Christmas. Make the most of it—you never know how things will change.

What I learned in my first semester of grad school

What I learned in my first semester of grad school

The dinosaur to the far right is me, yes. (Photo by Alan Middlestaedt)

I can’t believe it. I’m done.

Well, a quarter of the way done, anyway. That’s right—I survived my first semester of grad school. You know what they say, time flies, etc. But truly, when I look back over the past few months, I can’t believe how much I’ve done. Just within the first few weeks, I was interviewing Slash, navigating downtown Los Angeles court rooms, and writing more in a short period of time than I had all year. Since late August, I’ve also developed a backbone and video editing skills, not to mention a clearer focus on what it is I want to do when I’m a student no more.

To be honest, I went into this program with some reservations. Maybe more than one should have when going into serious debt for said program. But then, that serious debt was the main reason I had reservations. The other, of course, was just self-doubt.

In any case, I’m so glad I stuck it out. The opportunities I’ve had would’ve been much harder to come by had I gone with a more grassroots approach. Not that any of these things would’ve been impossible had I done that instead (that’s the thing about journalism—you don’t need a degree to do it), but I’ve definitely benefited from the constant kicks in the butt that being enrolled in a rigorous program gives you. I needed someone to give me assignments—especially difficult ones.

So what have I learned?

I’ve learned that self-doubt is absolutely part of the experience. At least, to start. After a while though, you’ve got to shake it or at least fake it. (You know, until you make it.) Grad school is as much about becoming confident in your footing as it is studying the methods of those who do it better. You want to be like them? Act like them.

It’s up to you to make the most of it. Just like anything else in life, graduate school is what you make of it. Yes, you might go into it expecting one thing and end up realizing it’s entirely different from what you pictured. (I was so confused during orientation. Why are they giving us camcorders? Don’t they know I want to write for, like, those magazines made of trees?) But grad school is not the time to be narrow-minded. Embrace the challenges. Go beyond the minimum requirement. You’re wasting your money if you don’t take full advantage of all the resources available to you, no matter what the field. Graduate knowing you got everything out of it that you could.

Friendships form fast. I couldn’t believe how quickly people were forming into groups even during orientation back in August. For an introvert, that can be overwhelming. (Especially if you’re an introvert who’s still getting her bearings in a new city.) But even if you’re not quick to form friendships, they will establish over time. Having every class together—and suffering through seemingly impossible assignments together—dictates that. It’s so funny to think back on how different my cohort seemed in the first week of classes. By the end of the semester, it was a tight-knit unit with weird inside jokes. (As evidenced in the photos above and below.)

This is, of course, based on just one person’s experience, and grad school experiences obviously vary greatly depending on what you’re studying.

My perspective is also shaped by the fact that I took “off” a couple of years between undergrad and graduate school to get some experience under my belt. And even though at the time that job—where I worked among a truly special group of people for two years—was not what I wanted to do in the long-term, I’m so glad I took that time to work there, learn a bit about an industry I didn’t know anything about at first, and save my money while I lived rent-free at home. That time of my life helped make this time of my life possible.

And before taking any credit for my future education, I have to consult with experts in Student Loan Consolidation San Jose.

That time was also when I really started pouring into my blog, because my job wasn’t something I took home with me at night. (Journalism is so totally the opposite.) And thank God for this blog, because between the writing and the photography, it gave me a creative outlet I so desperately needed. The fact that I haven’t abandoned it since starting grad school is something I’m very proud of. Turns out I’m not terrible at this time management thing.

So I’ve learned this much. I look forward to seeing what else I learn over the next year and-a-half.

Fellow academic scholars, aspiring graduates, and students of life—what valuable lessons have you learned lately?

A Thanksgiving gratitude roundup

Thanksgiving

For today’s post, I asked the good people of the interwebs to tell me what they’re most thankful for this year so I could include their responses in a Thanksgiving-themed post. I was envisioning a heart-warming, sentimental, feel-good post with a gushy outpouring of love and gratitude.

But that’s not what everyone had in mind.

Now, there WERE a few genuine responses that had what I was looking for:

I am most Thankful for my family and extended family who continue to amaze me with what they do for themselves and others. – Ken

Healthy family, good friends, and a job I like. – Helen

One that sticks out is a supportive group of family and friends. Don’t know where I’d be without the support of those around me! – Jessica

I’m super thankful for my amazing friends, who let me sleep at their houses and have sobfests on their couches. – Brianna

For my healthy little newborn! – Nagehan

That my younger brother is doing well in his first semester at college #TakingOverOneAtATime – Andres

And then there were these guys, who were honest about the little, everyday things that get them through:

I’m thankful for Breaking Bad and for Robert (the guy who fixed our dishwasher two days before Thanksgiving.) – Chris

I am thankful for buttery brie… and oh yeah… wine. – Suzy

I’m thankful for hot water and the ability to charge my iPhone in my car. Oh and power steering. – Erin

The cloud, baby. It’s all about the cloud. And iMessage on my computer OMG. – Jenna

My family; but Neil Young is a very close second! – Stacy

I’m grateful for the wealth of great music and films that came out in 2013. Also, the Internet. – Jorge

That the perfect red lipstick is not a myth and actually turns out to be a total game changer. I know that sounds shallow & superficial but I challenge anyone to find better confidence boost than wearing a perfect red! – Amanda

I am thankful that there have been so many good albums released in 2013. SO MANY. – Martin

This is my answer and you can’t stop me. – Rachel

And then there was this awkward moment when it could’ve been a serious response or a joke:

I’m thankful for baby Jesus. – Todd

In any case, you guys made this post a fun one to read and put together. Which brings me to my next point…

What am I thankful for this year?

Well, earlier this month, I wrote a guest post for Erika about how grateful I am for the change in perspective moving cross-country has brought me. I’m also thankful to have a partner-in-crime for this crazy adventure, and that, so far, we’re doing all right. I’m grateful for my family and friends back home, who I miss dearly. I’m grateful for the opportunities grad school has opened the doors to. I’m so, so thankful for all the wonderful people reading and commenting on this blog that continue to make it worth the effort. And, like some of you, I too am grateful for wine. And the perfect shade of red. And baby Jesus.

So to my friends in the U.S., have a happy Thanksgiving tomorrow! For everyone else having a regular ole Thursday, thanks for being you. Now I’m off to make Cassie’s famous casserole.

If you really knew me

…You’d know:

It takes a couple drinks to get me dancing. But once I start dancing, I don’t wanna stop.

“Theme from Jurassic Park” by John Williams is my go-to whistling tune. I wish I could stop.

The first time I sold a story, it was to then-chief editor of Baltimore magazine. He offered me $2—I brought him up to $3. I was six years old.

I don’t sing karaoke often, but when I do, it’s a Bon Jovi song. Because once upon a time (not so long ago), I had a major thing for Bon Jovi.

Speaking of Bon Jovi, I once got on a Walmart conveyer belt and belted out “Livin’ on a Prayer.” I was sober. It was a dare.

My picture appeared in the first issue of Seventeen magazine with a boy on it (Teddy Geiger). It was my 15 minutes of fame in high school.

Before I got into school for journalism, I was convinced I’d end up getting an MFA in creative writing. Part of me still wants to.

Indecisiveness is my biggest downfall. The smallest decision stresses me out, and sometimes I wish someone else would make them for me.

I wish I were a more musical person. I played clarinet for years and loved it. I played guitar for a few years, too, and regret putting it down.

Uprooting my life and moving to California has given me a serious travel/adventure bug. Not knowing whether I’ll stay here or move for a job once I graduate is exhilarating.

 

What should I know about you that I might not already? What are your greatest accomplishments, proudest moments, biggest fears, fun secrets?

Stepping out of the comfort zone

Last week, I had a huge undertaking ahead of me. I had what’s called a package due for my broadcast journalism class. The package had to be a two-minute story that tackled a national issue at a local level. I changed my topic to the recent LAX airport shooting at the last minute. I was nervous and stressed. I’d only edited a couple of very rudimentary videos for homework, and I had no interviews lined up. (The airport police spokeswoman just about snorted when I asked for an on-camera interview. Needless to say, they’d been bombarded with media requests and weren’t anxious to help out a student with her homework.)

So I hustled. I ran out to LAX with John to get some b-roll footage and travelers’ reactions to heightened security. One very nice woman I interviewed turned out to be an actress. A man I spoke with made the dubious claim that he intended to become President of the United States. Sometimes cameras attract people like that. Often, they repel people, too.

Broadcast has been one of the biggest sources of my anxiety since starting school. Not only do we have to write the script and conduct the interviews, we have to shoot all the footage and edit the videos, too. That lovely collage of outtakes you see above? That was me trying to come up with a reporter stand-up that would be used in the script I hadn’t even written yet. I did 20-plus takes. I didn’t use any of ’em.

But it all started coming together when I did a little searching for one of the shooting victims, a high school teacher named Brian Ludmer, online. I contacted him, and a day or two later, he responded that he’d be happy to do an interview, and sorry it’d taken him so long to get back to me. (Seriously, the guy was just shot in the leg and undergoing multiple surgeries but apologizing to me for not responding immediately.) Suddenly, the gravity of this story hit me. I wanted to do it justice to honor this kind teacher, the other survivors, and the one man who was killed.

I was nervous going to the hospital. I felt awkward about shoving a camera in the face of someone confined to a hospital bed—someone I’d never even met. But once I had my shot set up, we pretended the camera wasn’t there and just talked. The next day, I went to the public memorial service for TSA agent Gerardo Hernandez, who was killed in the shooting. He had a wife and two kids. He would’ve turned 40 last week. I got teary-eyed when the chorus sang “I Believe I Can Fly.” If journalists are supposed to keep their emotions in check and be stone-faced in emotional moments like that, I don’t want to be a journalist.

After hours of editing and one sleepless night, I’d produced a story I was proud of. It’s not perfect. I’ve identified all its flaws, trust me. But it’s my first real try and success at a broadcast piece that pushed me way out of my comfort zone and showed me I was more capable than I’d originally thought:

Will I enter into a broadcast journalism career once I graduate? I’m not ruling anything out this early on, but let’s just say I’d rather stay on the print/digital side of things. Still, now that I’ve accomplished this, I realize I might very well continue to surprise myself with what I’m capable of. And the more any of us step outside the confines of our comfort zones, the more likely we are to surprise ourselves.

 

Information about the memorial fund for Gerardo Hernandez can be found here.